


The Flare(d) Head

by gentledusk, littleliontree (gentledusk)



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: X & Y | Pokemon X & Y Versions
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, M/M, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-01 05:40:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2761685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentledusk/pseuds/gentledusk, https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentledusk/pseuds/littleliontree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Flare Co. isn’t actually a tech company, as Augustine finds out. It's a sex toy company.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Flare(d) Head

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MrMundy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrMundy/gifts).



> Prompt: What if Flare wasn’t a tech company, but a sex toy company? AUGUSTINE IS THE BETA TESTER. Also, Augustine gets mind-scarred by some things in the ‘testing’ section.

“So, what is it exactly that you do, Lysandre? I’ve seen and heard your name many times before, but I must admit, I am not quite clear on the specifics. You can never trust those tabloids, after all, no? Better to get it straight from the source.”

His new acquaintance fidgets, eyes flicking downwards briefly before moving back up to Augustine’s face again. “Ah…I am the head of a company that manufactures…products…for the benefit of our consumers. To make their lives more…beautiful, as it were.”

“Truly?” Is he the head of a furniture company or something? An artists’ guild? It’s hard to tell with a description that vague, but never let it be said that Augustine Sycamore can’t tell when someone doesn’t want to speak further on a subject. Still, now he really is curious… “And just what is this company of yours called?”

“…Flare,” Lysandre says after a long pause.

Huh. He’ll be sure to look that one up when he gets home. Right now, though, there are distractions to be had. “So! Mega Evolution, yes? You said you were interested in it?”

If Lysandre is plainly, visibly relieved at the sudden change of subject offered to him, Augustine is gracious enough not to comment.

~

Weeks later (due to one distraction leading to another, and so on, and so forth), Augustine plops down in front of his desk, opening his laptop and finally starting the planned search.

F-L-A-R-E…fashion magazine, pyrotechnics, news articles…no, no, no. Perhaps ‘Flare Company’? He types that in, and lo and behold, ‘Flare Co.’ pops up. _Why all the vagueness about the company and its products?_ he wonders. He clicks the link.

“…Oh my,” he breathes, staring in horrified fascination at the luridly red, absolutely _enormous_ silicone dick smack dab in the middle of the screen. It’s…really something. It’s even got _ridges,_ for Arceus’ sake. _Made by Dark Dragonite_ , _a subsidiary of Flare Co.,_ it says underneath. Right next to it, in a bizarre sort of contrast, is a sleek, twenty-four karat honest-to-goodness _gold-plated_ dildo. Why would one even _need_ a gold-plated dildo? Do people show them off to their friends? Is this something that rich people do?

“No wonder Lysandre didn’t want to go into detail…” he murmurs, dazedly clicking link after link as if his hand is being compelled by some sort of evil, sexy force. Sexy. But still very evil. It must be all the unnaturally coloured, unnaturally sized silicone dicks. They’re making his head spin. In an evil way. Not in a sexy way. Curse them. Curse those unnatural dicks and their unnatural dizziness-inducingness.

Somehow, he still has the presence of mind to check the ‘About’ section and verify that yes, this is indeed the same Flare Co. that Lysandre is the head of, and no, this isn’t all some elaborate prank being played on him by…porn fairies. Or something. This is actually what Lysandre does for a living, apparently. Not that he’s judging him, not at all! Different strokes for different…probably a bad idea to use that particular expression right now. Not that he’s thinking about Lysandre in relation to _any_ of the things on this damned site beyond pure business associations. Not thinking about it. Not thinking about it.

…Hmm, does Flare Co. have a dedicated quality control division? But Lysandre is a perfectionist, is he not? Perhaps he ‘tests’ each product for…quality assurance purposes before allowing it onto the market. He’d have to do a lot of ‘testing’, wouldn’t he, given how many items are on this site…

_Not thinking about it, damn it!_

Perhaps he’d appreciate a little ‘help’ with that testing, yes? Another perspective on such things could really help. For science. Think of the possibilities.

Augustine makes a noise like a dying Espurr and slams his laptop shut, shoving it away from himself and cradling his head in his hands. _Nonononono! No thinking of Mister Pyroar in naughty ways! Bad, bad Augustine!_

It doesn’t help one bit that the last product he’d seen before unceremoniously slamming his laptop shut had been, apparently, a Pyroar-themed dildo. Don’t male Pyroar have spines on their…well… _why_.

He’s not going to be able to look Lysandre in the eye without blushing now, is he? Or perhaps blurting out something ridiculous and completely unsafe for work about unnatural dicks. Although…is it unsafe for work if Lysandre’s work is _this_? No! No! Still inappropriate! Very inappropriate to casually (or not-so-casually) drop unnatural dicks into conversations with your acquaintance-friend-kinda-maybe crush! Bad Augustine!

Augustine is beginning to regret looking into Lysandre’s occupation at all. Because of his horror at the unnatural dicks, of course. Not for any other reason. Not at all.

…But seriously. Penile spines. _Why_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I chose this title because it could refer to either Lysandre the head of Flare Co., or to some specific dildo they sell. With an especially flared head. People legit describe the "flared head" of dicks in fics, this is a thing (dicks in fics, what a rhyme). Hooray!


End file.
